Friday will mark 3 weeks since I was adopted by mommy. And last night I made this video to sort of chronicle what the journey of the last few weeks has been like.
I Turn To You (click there to watch)
And I guess, it’s just been on my mind a lot lately, how amazingly awesome my second life has been lately. See, I know those of us who play kid av’s all have our different reasons for doin’ it, for bein’ who we are, n I guess tonight I feel brave enough to wanna share mine.
I’m a victum….no wait! I hate that word. I am a *survivor* of munchausen by proxy, if you don’t know what that is, it’s a form of abuse where a parent, or anyone in a position of authority makes another person, generally a child or someone weaker then them, sick in order to satisfy some emotional need, either to play the wonderful mom who always comes to the rescue to save their child, or to get the sympathy that they think a mother in such a position would get.
In essense, I was the barbie doll for most of my childhood, kept on the verge of death, dressed up in pretty dresses, expected to be sweet, quiet, n let my mother act out all the drama. I was injected with fecess, blood, enough insulin to give a seizure, and other chemicals that should have and vey well could have killed me. I spent a long time believing that it was my fault, that I was being punished, that I deserved it because I wasn’t the quiet kind of kid, I wasn’t the clean, sweet, shy kid that she wanted and so I often got it worse then my younger brother, I often got drugged to sleep so I wouldn’t protest, and when I was brave enough to report my mother, I was then put into various mental institutions and deemed insane by her and many others.
And so, having a second chance, to relive my childhood the way it should have been means everything to me. And I truly believe that people can’t compare circumstances, that each of us has been given the path we’ve had to walk because it’s exactly what was known we could handle, but if people ever ask me why it is that I’m 4 in this virtual world, the answer is complex, and yet simple.
Because it’s finally safe.
I can walk through a childhood now where my worst fear is that there might not be enough cookies, or that I might not have the right outfit for rfm’s event! It’s finally truly safe, I’m surrounded by a love that would never dream of doing what has been done in the past. And it’s safe to be a bit messy, to make mistakes, to not have to appear like the perfect image of what a “sick kid” should be, I’m not paraded around like a doll, I’m just me, with all my crazy cute quirks and people accept that!
And there are days where I’m definately not perfect, because doctors have told me that my disease now is likely a direct result of my childhood, and at times I do feel angry, because this could have been prevented, and instead it was instigated by a sick woman. And yet at the same time, every morning that I wake up, and can see the sun, feel the rain, walk this journey, and realize I don’t walk it alone, is just one more taunt in the face of my past. It’s proof that miracles happen, that the human spirit is by far one of the strongest things in this world, especially when it’s given a chance to be nurtured, encouraged and cherished the way it should have been all along
My family on second ife is every bit as importnt to my heart as a biological family would be, they mean everything to me and yesterday when I got the news that my disease was once more in remission, I wasn’t nearly as surprized that it happened so quicly, because I truly believe that laughter, love, friendship, family, understanding, patience and evn some cookies now and then, are the best medicine that there is.
My life is a miracle, and if you are part of my second life, you’re a part of my miracle.