Don’t Laugh At Me
I’m sure they never meant Second Life for the visually impaired, in fact most people when I tell them I’m legally blind in real life, think I’m lying. I can see, or I wouldn’t be there at all obviously, but it’s a challenge, that’s for sure, but it’s not one I’ve ever wanted to share with the world. It’s actually the least of the obstacles in my life that I’ve had to over come, so I don’t even think about it, and usually it doesn’t even matter. . . but when it does matter, it feels like the biggest slap in the face from life.
I don’t like to name names, and so I won’t, actually, I *can’t* I didn’t save the names of people, they certainly weren’t on my friends list, I didn’t want to feel embarassed, I didn’t want to be singled out, but I think this world wasn’t meant for me. In so many ways it’s amazing, I love the sense of family I have, I love that I can do real life kid things like go to school, go to camp, and play! I love that I can walk, I mean I bump into things, people, I can’t build, I can’t even really move my own objects around very well, but I try, and I’m stubborn, I don’t usually even like asking for help, I just sort of wander, I’m used to it.
I guess it just hit me, people don’t know, they couldn’t have, so it doesn’t matter really, I’m ok….I *will* be ok, I’ll try again when it’s not so laggy, and when I can figure out why my mic comes on without me asking it to! I try so hard to be the quiet kid, to blend in, to hide and not stick out, after a first life of being the medical miracle, or this amazing person that people stare at because I’m different, all I ever wanted, was to just be a kid, who nobody noticed, because I was the same, I wasn’t, “that blind girl”, or “gimpy in the wheelchair.” I wanted, I craved that normalness, and maybe that’s silly, but I just feel so fragile and vulnerable right now.
I’m 4….i mean emotionally, when I’m in SL playing, so things hit me hard and fast, and then they leave, so I’ll get over it, maybe I’m just being over dramatic, but I’m also in a lot of pain and I should probably call it a night and just go to bed….so for tonight, I’m just going to sit on the sidelines, and try to convince myself that tomorrow is a new day, and that I can try again then.
Good night world