What My Second Life Truly Means to Me

Friday will mark 3 weeks since I was adopted by mommy.  And last night I made this video to sort of chronicle what the journey of the last few weeks has been like.

I Turn To You  (click there to watch)

And I guess, it’s just been on my mind a lot lately, how amazingly awesome my second life has been lately.  See, I know those of us who play kid av’s all have our different reasons for doin’ it, for bein’ who we are, n I guess tonight I feel brave enough to wanna share mine.

I’m a victum….no wait!  I hate that word.  I am a *survivor* of munchausen by proxy, if you don’t know what that is, it’s a form of abuse where a parent, or anyone in a position of authority makes another person, generally a child or someone weaker then them, sick in order to satisfy some emotional need, either to play the wonderful mom who always comes to the rescue to save their child, or to get the sympathy that they think a mother in such a position would get.

In essense, I was the barbie doll for most of my childhood, kept on the verge of death, dressed up in pretty dresses, expected to be sweet, quiet, n let my mother act out all the drama.  I was injected with fecess, blood, enough insulin to give a seizure, and other chemicals that should have and vey well could have killed me.  I spent a long time believing that it was my fault, that I was being punished, that I deserved it because I wasn’t the quiet kind of kid, I wasn’t the clean, sweet, shy kid that she wanted and so I often got it worse then my younger brother, I often got drugged to sleep so I wouldn’t protest, and when I was brave enough to report my mother, I was then put into various mental institutions and deemed insane by her and many others.

And so, having a second chance, to relive my childhood the way it should have been means everything to me.  And I truly believe that people can’t compare circumstances, that each of us has been given the path we’ve had to walk because it’s exactly what was known we could handle, but if people ever ask me why it is that I’m 4 in this virtual world, the answer is complex, and yet simple.

Because it’s finally safe.

I can walk through a childhood now where my worst fear is that there might not be enough cookies, or that I might not have the right outfit for rfm’s event!  It’s finally truly safe, I’m surrounded by a love that would never dream of doing what has been done in the past.  And it’s safe to be a bit messy, to make mistakes, to not have to appear like the perfect image of what a “sick kid” should be, I’m not paraded around like a doll, I’m just me, with all my crazy cute quirks and people accept that!

And there are days where I’m definately not perfect, because doctors have told me that my disease now is likely a direct result of my childhood, and at times I do feel angry, because this could have been prevented, and instead it was instigated by a sick woman.  And yet at the same time, every morning that I wake up, and can see the sun, feel the rain, walk this journey, and realize I don’t walk it alone, is just one more taunt in the face of my past.  It’s proof that miracles happen, that the human spirit is by far one of the strongest things in this world, especially when it’s given a chance to be nurtured, encouraged and cherished the way it should have been all along 

My family on second ife is every bit as importnt to my heart as a biological family would be, they mean everything to me and yesterday when I got the news that my disease was once more in remission, I wasn’t nearly as surprized that it happened so quicly, because I truly believe that laughter, love, friendship, family, understanding, patience and evn some cookies now and then, are the best medicine that there is. 

My life is a miracle, and if you are part of my second life, you’re a part of my miracle.

Special Memories

Makin’ special memoies is so so so important to how my second life goes for me, havin’ those moments you won’t ever forget, especially when they aren’t planned n just happen, such as–goin’ to mouse world with mys family!!

mouse wold car ride_001

mouse wold dancin'!_001

mouse wold dumbo ride_001

mouseworld1_001

mouseworld pirate ride_001

I mean granted space mountain was way too laggy to enjy, n some rides was closed likes…da spinnin tea cups!  but all inall it was fun n totally random dat we went n i loved every single minute! 

n den i wanted to post some other pictures i took too, just stuff that makes me happy, ’cause i’m real camera happy hehe

chillin march18th_001

dinner-march 18th_001

princess castle_001

swingset_001

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holidays

Holdays are real special to me, especially since bein’ on sl n havin’ n absolutely amazin’ family, n even the lil’ holidays, like not christmas or easter even but lil’ ones like St. Patrick’s Day, feel special ’cause I have people to go n do funny silly stuff with, n there’s hunts n free stuff n parties n it makes me truly feel like a kid.  n i guess also it’s nice dat holidays now are jus’ fun, n meant to be celebated n spent with family, n, ina world with a first life childhood that involved growin’ up in a religious cult that means all the fun stuff from a holiday was dredged out as “pagan” n all the stuff left was twisted into cruel, sick ways, it’s nice’ta feel like i can now see the world how it was mean’ta be seen, n so this is how the las’ couple days went for me, shown in pictures 😀

clover chair1_001

happy st. patricks day1_001

I have no idea which hunt i wont both of those things on but they made great pics n were real awesome.  Which is kina funny, that i would get into doin’ hunts so much, but i guess the more of a challenge somethin’ is the more i wanna prove i can do it n not give up!  n yeah sometimes friends come to help me “see” around a store n find a prize, but most’a the time it feels real real good to do it on my own. ~grins~

dinnermarch16th_001

This was dinner atsa orphanage, (where my mommy works) in willowdale on Tuesday night.  There were other people there, but this is jus’ me n mommy n Mr. Cooljoke, he is so so funny ne he kept stuffin’ chicken in his hat n then he said he could pull all kindsa stuff out like a bunny! (you can barely see da bunny tho it’s ona other side of my plate kinda hidin)  ‘cept then late mommy says he musta’ pulled out some of that sleepytime tea cause he fell asleep ~giggles~

st.patricks day march17th2010_001

This is me on St. Patrick’s Day, n yet again i dunno where i got the lil’ clover seat thingy but it was cute!

thevortexmarch17th_001

And this is me n olga, (well n other random people i dunno hehe) atsa vortex on St. Patrick’s Day, n olga even won da contest yay olga! 😀

RFM st patricks dayAnd this is me n olga at RFM on St. Patrick’s Day…we’re cute, ’cause mommy said so even! hehe

snugglinmarch15_001

Snuggles are always good after a long day of partyin’!~nods lots~

rfm pj partt march 18th_001

N this is RFM’s pj party this mornin’, n i just stuck it in here in case i don’t blog for a lil while again.

Life just feels real happy n cozy n i feel so blessed to have all the friends n family i do, there’s a reason to wake up now, to crawl outta bed even on the hardest days ’cause i know there will be people waitin’ to see me n who wanna spend time with me n that makes it all worth fightin’ for. 

“Those things that we fight for are far more precious to us then those things that fall into our laps—life is precious—FIGHT FOR IT!”  This was a direct quote from my college entrance exam essay, n it’s somethin’ i’ve always said, but lately life feels so amazin’, so truly precious n worth the fight it is to make it thru.  So if you’ve been a parta my second life in anyway, thank you, ’cause you’re my reason n thats somethin’ way way special.

Around n around….

Well….here goes nuthin’!  I didn’t wanna write nuthin’ right away, ’cause i didn’t wanna make it seem like anyone is bad.  So I’m just say it here now tho.  On March 5th 2010 I was adopted by Dakota Lawksley n I’m real yreal happy now.  I gotta sister named Ela n I gotta forever sissy named Keani still n my life is just real excitin’ n i love it.  But there isn’t anythin’ at all wrong with mys old family, n i don’t want anyone thinkin’ that just stuff changes n has’ta be re-worked out n how it goes, n so now I’m movin’ on to a new chapter, one that will hopefully be more permanent, ’cause my emotions are so haywire from so much change n now stuff is finally settlin’ down to where i feel like i can talk bout it.

 

Anyways mommy n sissy n me all live on da most beautiful island, n so now i’m gunna share some of mys favorite pics from our first week or so at home.

friend n sister time1_001

This is me n ela n ina middle is mys bestest friend olga, i love her so much, we have so much fun doin’ stuff like goin’ to RFM together n doin’ events n workin’ at club dancin’ tots, n i love my sister tons too of course! 

makin' mommy a pretty picshur_001

This is me makin’ mommy a pretty picture!  I bought da easel at fifty linden friday n i love it!  ‘cept at da time i was drawin’ mommy a picture ’cause her got all addicted to plurk!~giggles~

in bubbles!2_001

Yesterday Mr. Cooljoke came over n he gave us bubbles n we all played lots n bounced n mommy took videos n it’s was jus so so fun n i laughed so much n i love times like dat!

porch swing_001

This is me n sissy n mommy on our porch swing in front of our new house which is so so so awesome n pretty n i love it n my family so so much!

snuggletime1_001

This is my favorite pic i took this week of me n mommy snugglin’ 😀

sunrise_002

Da sunrise is so so beautiful from ours balcony

where we live1_001

n dis is where we live, isn’t it so so pretty?

Well I gunna try’ta blog more now i just had so much emotions n i needed to calm down before i wrote what all had happened, but now i am so so happy n i don’t never want this feelin’ to end.

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