How my second life has changed me.

Most people won’t know dis ’bout mes, ’cause da people I know now, didn’t know me back den but da picture above?  Dat’s how I spent my first 2 weeks in second life.  It was as much a part’a mes as people’s shapes become to dem.  See I’m not jus’  2 years old in second life, on Tuesday, I will bes 5 years old, it’s not my rezz day, or my birthday, but it is da first day dat I appeared as a part of my big person’s life.   Back den I wasn’t blonde neither, I was asian, n in a wheelchair.  N for 3 years before I found SL, dats who I was n I was happy wif dat. 

I’ve written before about why I play a child in SL, so I won’t go back into dat horror story or it’s details *too* much, but for mosta my childhood, it was all about what I couldn’t do, da kinda abuse i suffered meant dat my mother even kinda found some sick emotional joy in what I couldn’t do, n so it was always ephasized.  So one day while rollin’ along in my wheelchair my old sister said to me, “Why don’t you just get up, you don’t have to be disabled here”  n she said it in such a blunt way that it shocked me, n i almost cried, but instead i decided to try it.

N I found out dat I like dis new world where I can do alla fings i can’t in real life.  I found out I really n truly needed to jus’ be a kid who can do anythin’ n for a while just watchin’ my avatar skip would make me cry ’cause it was somethin’ i wanted to do for real so, so much that even just gettin’ to see myself do those fings as a buncha pixels, was jus’ da most amazin’ fing ever. 

But tonite I was searchin’ thru my inventory for stuff n found my chair again, n seein’ as how a very important day is comin’ up for me, n how so much stuff in my life dis past year even has been so nuts n how i just found out 2 months ago I was in remission again, n i got to walk 2 miles for real!!!  it just seemed like da time to look back n really see how far I’ve come from da shy kid who wouldn’t even dare to walk, to da cookie monster, monkey girl who is into everythin’!

n even tonite, thinkin’ bout how camp is comin’ up, n how last camp i didn’t even really knows nobody, n i had a family who seemed glad i was at camp so they didn’t hafta stay kid appropriate for da week, n now i’ve gotta mommy n daddy n sisters n a brother n all kindsa people who are der for me n truly care ’bout me.  n now it’s somethin’ so excitin’ to be able to go n do stuff!  n even tonite watchin’ da fireworks dat Mari did at living tree n just feelin’ like i was a part’a somethin’ awesome ’cause in real life i can’t go out to watch fireworks, ‘least not til my immune system is better, n tonite when i mentioned it to someone they said they were sorry, cept for me it was like, no way ’cause this was almost even better!

n i realized life doesn’t hafta be bout what i can’t do anymore, der is plenty dat i can’t do, but now life is ’bout what i can do, n bein’ proud of even little accomplishments n treasurin’ every single precious moment, n not takin’ anythin’ for granted, ’cause you never know what the next moment might hold.  Life’s n adventure, n it ain’t always perfect, but it’s worth every moment spent in the rain, to see the sun shinin’ on the other side.

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